I don't know anything about kids, except what I learned from watching my parents raise my brother. So I went back through the entries that I've tagged as having to do with the kid, looking for some bits of advice to give you about children. What I learned is this:
There will be puke. Look forward to this. Embrace it.
And that was it, really. Puke. I mean, there was the occasional awkward conversation about vaginas or transsexuals, but puke pretty much summed it up.
. . . Hmm. My dad just gave me an important bit of advice to tell you. "Before you call the doctor about the red stuff in the diaper, try to remember if you fed her beets or not." I am suddenly curious as to what exactly happened when I was a small tot. O_o
And the very last thing - you shouldn't have given me permission to macro your child, because it all ends in ill-advised boobie jokes.